I SHALL WEAR PURPLE!

[Karan]:  Here we are with another May Day nearly upon us, and it'll soon be Christmas again! 

Is it just me or is time screaming past us at a rate of knots?  It doesn't help that our daughter asks me everyday how old I am - surely I'm supposed to be the one whose mind is wondering, why doesn't she remember my answer: does she enjoy seeing the grimace she extracts from me every time she asks?  The little darling even asked me recently what we used in "the olden times, before you had cars"!  Now that took my breath away, and I couldn't help but laugh; the cheeky little Minx.  I will defend our little beauty because she is only six, and has no real comprehension of age - but that defence won't wash the older she gets!

I was told on my 21st birthday - all those years ago - that time would now zip past more quickly than it had done previously for me.  In my youthful immortal arrogance however, I believe my urbane response to this sincerely given guidance was "PAH!".  I've always had a way with words.  Now staring down the barrel of my 102nd birthday, I can see the truth behind this statement.  No, I'm not really 101 - although there are many, many days I feel like it, but it is fair to say that I'm gradually being introduced to the limitations of impending middle-age. 

I've got to the stage now where if I bend down to pick something up off the floor, I ask myself what else I can be doing whilst I'm down there.  There are also the involuntary "oohs" and "aahhs" when kneeling or attempting to stand up again, because these are the things my knees need solemn notice for nowadays.  And whilst it's true that time marches on, it's only when you begin to mature a little, that you realise that it's marching all over your face: laughter lines?  Laughter lines?  Hmmm, nothing's that funny, now is it?!

I shall not be defeated.  I have adopted the attitude that it is better to grow old than die young, and it is clear that God does not consider me "good", because I'm still here at this ripe old age - must've been that rampant weekend in 1992 wot dunnit, but that's a story for another day.  Or not.  And I always have the kindly checkout lady at Tescos to fall back on when I'm feeling particularly decrepit, because she took ten years off me last Saturday; I was thrilled! 

My next big birthday will be a belter where I will behave badly and start to wear purple!  Kettering, you have less than 12 months to prepare, but you have been warned so stand well back.  It's good to be alive, whatever condition your knees are in, and we should embrace everyday as a gift to be enjoyed to the full.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobrietry of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick flowers in other people's gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickles for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

By Jenny Joseph

YOU DESERVE THIS!

[Karan]:  Now, everyone's different, but I like mine at the end of a hard day, where a long hot one - that I can take my time with  - helps me to relax and unwind.  More often than not it's just what I needed and hits the spot perfectly, leaving me much cleaner and contented with the world, for the rest of the evening.

Some people prefer a first thing in the morning arrangement, but with two children who are up earlier than I am, it's a possibility too far for me I'm afraid, hence the night time indulgence, once they're safely tucked up in bed.

Will you please now collect your mind from the gutter; I was referring to my preference for showering in the evening!  That'll need a rinse with some soap and water before you use it again.

I do love a long hot shower, and have been asking Ian to install on of these little beauties ASAP but, as  cobbler's children go barefoot, it'll be quicker for me to walk down to the river and beat myself against a rock before I have a chance of getting one.  Let me introduce you...

This is an Aqualisa Axis Digital shower, and this particular model is of the exposed variety - where the controls, valves and riser rail are visable etc.  Concealed models - where the valves are installed into the wall - are also available, so please enquire if you'd like more information on those.

This exposed model will allow you to enjoy a new shower experience within a couple of hours, because thanks to it's unique configuration, you can keep your existing decor intact.

Keep an eye on the lights on the Aqualisa Axis Digital's control, and they'll show you when it's the perfect time to step in and wash your cares away.  Meanwhile, for the last word in showering sophistication, add a wireless remote so you can activate your shower from i.e.: the comfort of your warm bed!  Go on, you deserve it, it's a delicious experience!

Additional Benefits:

> Award-winning, one touch intelligent showering

> Adjustable, clear flow, anti-scaling shower head offers family flexibility

> Compact, remotely sited processor makes for easy installation

> Suitable for virtually all domestic plumbing systems

> 5 year manufacturer's guarantee

Please call me on Kettering (01536) 415280 to arrange for your bathroom consultation with Ian, as there are a couple of things you need to know prior to installing an Aqualisa Axis Digital Shower.  I'll look forward to hearing from you soon.

HOTPOINT OPENSPACE OVEN

IKD Kitchens are proud to supply you with the new and innovative Hotpoint Openspace Double Oven: double oven versatility in a single oven space.

The Openspace has 20% more space than a standard single oven, as the revolutionary design gives you 70 litres capacity, with the ability to cook on 4 levels at once.

Insulating Divider

But the brilliance doesn't stop there. You can convert this extra large space into a double oven by simply inserting the insulating divider to create two seperate cooking zones; both with independent time and temperature controls. There will be no transfer of flavours between the two compartments

The main space under the insulating divider allows the use of just the bottom two thirds of the oven as a fan oven, whilst the small space above the divider offers you two functions of it's own: Fast Cooking and Grilling.

Energy Conscious

Openspace is seriously energy conscious with savings of up to 25% on energy and up to 40% in heat-up time, with the newly designed fast heating grill. With the Fast Cook programme in the Small Space oven (i.e.: above the divider), you can save up to 40% on total cooking time and, because you are saving on time you are saving on energy too.

A Energy Rated

As you would expect from Hotpoint, Openspace is A energy rated, whichever oven component you choose to cook with.

Fast Clean Pyrolytic Cycle

The Fast Clean pyrolytic model cleans itself. The triple glazed door automatically locks, the oven heats up to 500 degrees centigrade and burns off all the fat and waste, leaving a small deposit of ash to be simply wiped away. The process is completely safe and costs less than 50p each time!

Looks Pristine

With the dishwasher safe insulating divider and the stunning fingerprint resistant stainless steel finish, Openspace will look sensational in any kitchen.

Total Electronic Control

Openspace features total electronic control with independent time and temperature controls for both the Small, Main and Extra Large Spaces. So when you are in Double Space mode, you can set separate times and temperatures for each space ensuring all your dishes are cooked to perfection.

LCD Display

The intelligent LCD display tells you all you need to know about the cooking programmes selected. It shows the oven spaces in use and alternatives between the temperature, the time left to cook and the clock.

Intelligent Cooking From An Intelligent Oven

The utlimate cooking utensil and the latest in cooking technology. Professional cooking expertise has been incorporated into an easy to use oven that manages everything for you. Hotpoint's Intelligent Cooking System consists of a selection of dedicated pre-set cooking functions that help you achieve perfect results every time.

From bread and pizza functions to roasts and cakes, you can rest assured they will be cooked to perfection as the oven monitors and adjusts the time, temperature and humidity within the cavity so it's always at its optimum.

Pricing

There are a variety of Openspace models available, ranging from the 10-function standard Openspace model, through to the high specification 12-function + Pyrolytic Fast Clean Openspace model as described above. Prices start at £480 + VAT

To discuss price, availability and delivery options for your Hotpoint Openspace oven, please call Karan at IKD Kitchens now on (01536) 415280

A GREAT DISSERVICE TO SERVICE

[Karan]:  I experienced a couple of very interesting lessons yesterday in the importance of a positive attitude and the direct link between poor customer service and the subsequent inevitability of sales prevention.  And it was all over a bunch of flowers.

One of our many highly regarded customers - Mrs B - is celebrating a milestone birthday tomorrow, and we thought it would be a nice idea to organise a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to her home, just prior to her guests arriving for a party.  Simple enough task you would assume.

I always try to support other small local enterprises, and so I rang Florist Shop A, to enquire upon the possibility of having a modest hand-tied bouquet of spring flowers, delivered as late as possible (i.e.: 4pm - 5pm) on Saturday afternoon, to an address in Kettering.  Reasonable enough request?  Hmmmm, not so much. 

To begin with the phone was answered by a lady clearly tired and/or fed up, who greeted me only with the name of the shop.  Once I had explained my requirements, I was met with a whole list of reasons for not being able to meet my requirements: a) a boxed bouquet (as opposed to my preferred water bulb) would be better in case Mrs B was out when the delivery driver called, b) they were very busy and couldn't guarantee what time the delivery would be made, c) they were only open and only delivered up until 12.30pm on a Saturday, and on top of all of this, the very tired or fed up lady only ever discussed costs with me, never once did we discuss what Mrs B's favourite flowers might be.  I got so frustrated with being confronted with reasons not to send Mrs B flowers, that I made my excuses and politely ended the call.  No sale for Florist Shop A this time, or any other time, because I won't be offering my custom again.

I am aware there is a high probability that Mrs B will be out during a Saturday, which is why I wanted a later delivery time - she'd be home getting ready come late afternoon.  If Florist Shop A is so busy that it can't guarantee a delivery time, or be open/deliver later than 12.30pm, shouldn't Florist Shop A start reconsidering their operating hours?  And if staff are tired and fed up, that's no concern of mine, I just want flowers!  Mrs Tired Fed-up had given me every reason to phone Florist Shop B, so I did.

The phone at Florist Shop B was picked up with a cheery "good afternoon, how can I help you?", and Pat the florist, and I instantly started talking about whether Mrs B liked lilies, or not.  The rest of the conversation was friendly, informative and professional.  The latest delivery time Pat could offer me was 5pm on Saturday afternoon - perfect!  So assured and persuasive was Pat, that she actually upsold me - I ended up spending more than I had originally planned, simply because I was informed of the likely additional impact a superior bouquet would have on Mrs B, during her special milestone birthday.  Fantastic!  Winners all round, because I will now use Petal Cascade on Rockingham Road in Kettering again and again, because Pat is positive, knowledgeable and, ever so gently, persuasive.

Petal Cascade : (01536) 483456

ASTON MARTIN V12 VANTAGE

[Karan]: Bloody lovely, isn't it? I will have one, or its equivalent within 3967 days. I'm adopting a tried and tested technique used by Ian, where he pins a photo of i.e.: the next van he wants to buy on a noticeboard - somewhere where he can see it everyday and, low and behold, he's always achieved his goal.  The picture helps him to focus.

So, here we go.  This picture of an Aston Martin V12 Vantage, finished in gunmetal, will become my screen saver until I get one.  I know I'm likely to burn out several computer monitors before I achieve this goal, but that's another reason for giving myself a target of 3967 days or less.  Concentrated effort is more valuable than just plain old effort.

It'll just be my bloody luck that by the time I can afford such a beauty that it'll be obsolete, but I'm sure Aston Martin will supersede it with something equally delicious.  I'll keep an eye on Top Gear as Jeremy Clarkson loves Aston Martin, and is bound to review every new model that comes out.

I wonder if Aston Martin do denture holders, walking stick tidies and those lovely beaded seat covers as optional extras...?

LITTLE GOLD BOOK OF YES! ATTITUDE

[Karan]:  A new acquaintance of mine recently introduced me to Jeffrey Gitomer's Little Gold Book of Yes! Attitude, and I'm so pleased they did: it's wonderful stuff, and it has given me some homework to do!

Life isn't always easy.  Let's be brutally honest; life can be pretty crap, and I'm as guilty as anyone else at allowing events to overwhelm me, sometimes.  Usually I try and look for the positive and the opportunity in any given situation, but they're not always easy to find.

This is where Jeffrey Gitomer steps in, in his own inimitable way, and tells it to you straight.  We all know the difference between a negative and a positive attitude - that's obvious to a blind man on a charging horse.  But did you know there's a difference between a positive attitude and a YES! attitude?  No, neither did I.  I do now though.

I would recommend anyone read this book; whether you're in business or not, the principles are priceless whoever you are.  Your whole life won't change just because you read a book, you are expected to complete some work on yourself and your established thought processes, but as Charles Kettering once said: "...if you've always done it that way, it's probably wrong".

Wouldn't life be better if all of us had a YES! attitude?  Think of all that great customer service you'd receive from everyone, not just IKD!  Think how brighter and more pleasant your day would be if everyone you met had a YES! attitude.  How lovely would it be to bannish negativity forever?  Hmmm, my idealism is starting to show. 

If you fancy seeing what all the fuss is about, enlighten yourself at Play.com where The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude in hardback is retailing for about £8 + free delivery.  It would still be worth checking other retailers like Amazon & Waterstones, coz' the prices change daily!  You can always give eBay a go...

A butterfly is a caterpillar with a positive attitude

FREE EXPERT KITCHEN ADVICE

Are you planning a new fitted kitchen?  Are you worried about finding a reputable kitchen design and installation company, who won't rip you off?  Have you seen all of the Houses From Hell television programmes, and know how many rip-off fraudsters there are out there, but don't know how to avoid them and their loathsome scams?

Well help is at hand with our free 20 THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE REFURBISHING YOUR KITCHEN guide, which is packed full of helpful, practical and honest advice to help you avoid all the common, and not-so-common pitfalls, of fitting a new kitchen.  This guide has been compiled by Ian and I, and is based upon Ian's 20+ years of experience designing and installing kitchens - 18 of those years in business as IKD Kitchens Bedrooms & Bathrooms.

We're basically sick and tired of the Bodgit 'n' Scarper merchants stealing hard earned money from people, going deliberately bankrupt and leaving customers and suppliers to swing in the wind, and then starting up again in a new guise, ready and willing to rip off more unwitting customers.  You may also be aware of a certain "rogue" who has been banned by Trading Standards from ever being a company director again, and who is a frequent feature on BBC1's Watchdog and Rogue Traders television programmes?  Obviously we can't actually mention any names for legal reasons, but the person concerned is certainly notorious in the industry.  Yet despite their directorship ban and Watchdog season ticket, there they were bold as brass at the KBB exhibition in Birmingham last month.  The problem is, is that this person is not the only shyster out there; there are plenty more rats in the rat race.

So, now we've identified the problem, what are we going to do about it?  We can't picket the premises of every discredited kitchen company in the local area, but we can empower you and arm you with knowledge. 

So passionate are we that you should receive honest advice, exceptional sales and service and killer after sales care, that we will give you the (A4) 8-page guide of money and hassle saving advice completely free, for nothing, entirely gratis and with our compliments - just because something needs to be done!  In an ideal world we would like it if you then came to us for a kitchen design and installation quotation, but it's in no way obligatory.  However, those you do invite to quote, after you've read our guide, had better have their socks pulled up; because you'll know what you're looking for by then!

All you have to do to receive your free 20 THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE REFURBISHING YOUR KITCHEN guide is to click on this link  http://bit.ly/PlanningAdvice and fill in the form.  An email of the PDF document will then be forwarded to you ASAP, arming you with all the information you will need to find a reputable kitchen company, save money, save hassle and stay safe. 

Come on, email us now - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

I'M VOTING

[Karan]:  Don't worry, this is NOT a party political broadcast - I wouldn't dream of it, I'm just announcing my support for the Facebook "I'm Voting" campaign.  I think it's a good idea to try and motivate  people to go out and vote, for whomever they choose.

My one concern therefore, about the current Democracy UK on Facebook campaign, is that their logo is blue, which of course is synonymous with the Conservative Party.  Hmmm, would a party political neutral coloured logo have been a better idea?  Or a rainbow spectrum perhaps, encompassing all?  How about diarrhoea brown - a particularly apt colour choice for many I would guess?  Are we being subliminally programmed with the blue logo, or have I simply been watching too many movies?  Perhaps it's just because the Facebook logo is blue, and I've analysed an irrelevant issue to within an inch of it's life? 

Leaving questionable logo colours aside, do we not all have a responsibility to vote?  After all, people have died, and continue to die for the privilege of democracy all over the world, so shouldn't we exercise our rights once every five years?  Everyone's entitled to their opinion, and your voice is just as important as anyone else's.  How would you feel if a dictatorship forced their way into power militarily and denied your right to vote - would you be outraged?  Shouldn't we care enough about our country to perform the one thing asked of us to help shape, protect and develop our society?  What if everyone shrugged their shoulders?

One thing's for sure, I WILL be voting - oh yes!  With bells on.  I'm quite the political geek - I watch The Daily Politcs for fun!  Ian despairs of course, but we've been together 21 years now, he's given up trying to rehabilitate me.  My favourite TV programme ever is The West Wing, so you see now why I'm such a lost cause.  As this election promises to be a closely fought battle (at the time of writing), I may even stay up late enough on the 6 May to watch the outcome - I really shouldn't be allowed out unaccompanied. 

Well, that's enough from me for now.  I'm going for a lie down in a darkened room and resume my medication, but if you see a tent pitched outside my local Polling Station, you'll know who!

BEST FRIENDS WITH EARLY BIRD

[Karan]:  I have dragged myself out from under my beloved duvet at some ungodly hour this morning to catch up on some much neeeded admin and, once my body had got over the initial shock of what I was making it do, it has really paid dividends.

This picture is from the bottom of our garden in Kettering.  I wish!  Although it may not actually be from the bottom of our garden (not many beaches in Kettering sadly), it does convey the peace and tranquility of what it's like at stupid O'clock in the morning.

Now this is where all you shift workers are going to spit out your tea at me, when I tell you I was up at 5am - I know that's not early in your book, but I'm just a beginner at this.  Don't get me wrong, I've pulled a couple of all-nighters in my time - as recently as the week before Christmas when we decided to redecorate the lounge and were running out of time fast.  I've also had plenty of nights where I've hardly slept at all, thanks to our darling nocturnal babies, but this is my first time up with the sparrow's fart - deliberately - to complete much needed admin, before the rest of the half-term household wakes up, and before the phone starts ringing.

This is the beginning of the new financial year and I still had to process last year's PAYE records, whilst installing and setting up this year's PAYE records; and it's always advisable to concentrate whilst doing this, otherwise I could end up in the poopie (which is our son's newly found word for, well you know what for).

So here I am at almost 7.30am and all of my vital, absolutely cannot wait another second jobs are done, and I'm feeling good.  It may be worth checking back with me about 4.30pm to see if I look as though my batteries have been taken out - but hey - that's what coffee's for, isn't it?  Have a great day world!

MR F's PEACE OF MIND

[Karan]: How valuable is peace of mind to you?  Very valuable is my guess, because it's true for almost all of us.  But it's so hard to come by these days, isn't it? 

I have been on the phone with Mr F. this morning, who is very impressed and keen to accept our quotation to design and refurbish his kitchen, but is worried once he's paid his deposit that we're going to go bankrupt or run off with his money.  I am happy to confirm that we are not going to go bankrupt, or run off with his money, but looking at it entirely from his perspective; I would say that wouldn't I? 

IKD has been highly recommended to Mr F., but as he has no prior knowledge or experience of us, how can he be sure that we are as honest, reliable and hard working as we claim to be? 

Mr F. is not the first, nor will he be the last potential customer to worry about being ripped off, and quite rightly too.  There are too many untrained, unregistered and uninsured Bodgit 'n' Scarper merchants working out of the back of their vans, completing inferior work (if at all) and charging the earth for bugger all, if I'm honest.  So we have to separate ourselves, to differentiate ourselves from Bodgit 'n' Scarper Co.  How have we persuaded Mr F. and others like him, that we are strong, established and have integrity and ability in equal measure?  By letting our work, integrity and ability speak for themselves via customer testimonials.

Have you noticed the current trend online?  People want reviews, and lots of them, before they will buy online, because it's the only means they have of minimising their risk.  Websites with their pages of text and pretty pictures (including ours) are no longer adequate by themselves to persuade customers to buy; they need verification that all will be well once they commit to a purchase - and I'm as cautious as anyone else when I buy online.  You'd be a fool otherwise.

So the answer for IKD was simple: customer testimonials.  We are very lucky that many of our customers feel compelled to put pen to paper - or more likely digit to keyboard - to thank us for the wonderful job we have done in adding value to their home, in a timely manner.  It then gives me enormous pleasure to add these testimonials to our website for all to see, hoping to persuade Mr F. that it's entirely safe to go ahead with his IKD kitchen refurbishment.  But we can offer more than that!

We need to address Mr F's main concern about losing his money, so we will walk a mile in his shoes to do that.  However competitively priced IKD are - and we are - the cost of a new kitchen, bedroom or bathroom etc is still a very large purchase for anyone - it's right up there with buying a car, or a holiday.  In such circumstances, Mr F. would be required to pay for the car or holiday outright before he could drive it away or jet off for drinks by the pool. 

We're aware that the huge national chain stores offer 0% interest finance, but we're too small an enterprise for that just yet, so we concede that point.  But what Mr F. will get from IKD in lieu of 0% finance, is 100% interest in how well we refurbish his kitchen, and a 100% commitment to customer satisfaction and after sales care - he need only read what all of those before him have said about us.  And on top of that, we belong to The Federation of Small Businesses and The Guild of Master Craftsmen to give Mr F. two separate means of redress should his nightmare scenario actualise, and we run off with his money for drinks by the pool.  But can I make another point?

Ian and I began this business in 1992 and it has been our life's work.  We love this business passionately and have nurtured it from it's infancy, into becoming the benchmark by which our competitors are judged.  We have a kitchen showroom (soon) and workshop premises, so we're not going anywhere.  We are insured to the teeth, as verified by our Liability Insurance Certificate displayed in the showroom.  There are two means of redress, in the unlikely event Mr F's nightmares become a reality, and we have pages of customer testimonials for him to review. 

And finally, we have a three-part payment plan designed as a compromise for all of our major refurbishment work, which covers our costs throughout the job, whilst still affording Mr F. security and leverage by way of a 25% final payment, payable upon the satisfactory completion of his work.  Now how can we say fairer than that?!

If you're reading this Mr F., please rest assured that you will receive only the best attention from IKD at all times and that we're eager to exceed your wildest expectations, just like we've done hundreds of times before for our legions of delighted, satisfied - and very loyal - customers.

Please click this link to view our Customer Testimonials : http://bit.ly/IKDtestimonials

Please click this link to read our Customer Care Policy : http://bit.ly/IKDcare

Please click this link to verify our membership to The Guild of Master Craftsmen : http://www.findacraftsman.com/

ELECTRICIAN EXTRAORDINAIRE

Anyone need an electrician, but not just any ole' electrician?  Well then, IKD are proud to introduce to you the one, the only Eddie McIntosh of MCI Electrical - he's a leg end.  Ooops, I meant LEGEND. 

We have known Eddie for more years than we care to remember, and have most certainly been recommending him to our prized and valued customers since IKD began in 1992.

As you may already know, we take our products, work and service extremely seriously because it's what keeps us in business and develops our strong and solid reputation for excellenece, so we're never going to recommend anyone who doesn't live up to the high expectations we have for ourselves and others.

Eddie is a conscientious perfectionist who will complete your electrical installations with the same care and attention to detail as he would for his own home - which is why we asked him to install a new fuse box in our home, because no one else would do.

MCI Electrical is able to help you with whatever your electrical requirement may be, be it domestic, Part P, commercial or industrial - Eddie's considerable experience and expertise, will ensure that your home and business will comply with all current regulations, come in on time and budget and are completed with your electrical safety at the forefront of all that he does; because you must never compromise your electrical safety.

I LOVE GOOGLE!

[Karan]:  I know it's disgustingly uncool, but I really love Google, and I'll tell you why.  In a previous life I used to work for a motorsport team, before I became a self-employed events organiser - all before the children were a glint in their father's eye.  Both of these jobs necessitated me travelling around the country and invariably getting lost at some point or another.

Now before you start writing me off as a woman who can't read a map - ssshhh, because I can read a map - just not when I'm alone in the car driving in the dark in the wind and the rain and the sleet and the snow.  I certainly didn't have SatNav in the olden times (as our daughter refers to them!).  I also used to bomb up and down the M6 quite a bit to and from either the NEC or Birmingham Airport, but this didn't stop me from liking the M42 so much that I'd often stay on it, having missed my junction.  Again.

These days I'm off gallivanting all over the place meeting hugely interesting and informative people, but have Google to protect me from the curse of the M42.  You see Google maps are so fantastically accurate - especially if you utilise the Street View option - that you'd have to work very hard to get lost; Street View can show you to the door, literally.  And now that you can zoom in on the junctions and find landmarks and other reference points, you're done.  I even got on and off the M42 last Thursday with absolutely no dramas whatsoever - yay! [rapturous applause]

During May I'm off to Slough (don't I know how to live?!), but I've not been there before and need to find out where my hotel will be, where the venue is and the best route between the two, which Google has helped me with in an instant.  No more reversing down a slip road for me! 

I'M KIDDING!!!